In defense of the Mom Resume

Dear Potential Employer,

A few months ago, a friend of mine was tasked with hiring a new member for her team (she is in a management position at a multinational company).  Her boss told her specifically to "think man, single, no kids."  While not only is that very illegal, it also represented an assumption that is factually inaccurate - that a woman, much less a woman with children or spouse, would be less committed or less able to complete the job than an equally qualified single man.

As you will soon find out - because I don't believe in hiding things - I am not only a married woman, but I also have children and have been out of the job market for the last four years, caring for our young children.  But rather than seeing this as a liability, as my friend's boss did, I want to share with you today why you not only should you hire me but also why I believe that my experience as a mother actually gives me additional qualifications that would benefit any employer.

Now, if you read my resume, you'll notice that I have excelled in past employment, that I come with excellent credentials and references, and that I haven't just sat around during my four years of stay-at-home motherhood, but rather have built my own small business in my "spare" time, which has doubled in profit every year that I've been in business.  There are many reasons, other than my experience as a mom, that you should hire me and I'd love to talk more about them.

But for the sake of this post, humor me, and we'll just talk about the experience that a *mom* brings to the table (or, if you'd prefer, you can also read from the experts, here, here, or here.)

Ability to manage people | Conflict Resolution
I have jokingly told many people, motherhood has given me a Ph.D. in advanced conflict resolution, negotiation, and the fine art of getting narcissistic people to do what they don't want to do, nicely.

If you're a mother, you are well aware of the petty differences of opinions which can threaten to derail the most mundane of operations - say grocery shopping, eating dinner, or you know, which sock to put on which foot.  If you're a mother of more than one child, you're practically a guru, when it comes to cajoling individuals to go anywhere or do anything, from the mundane of getting dressed slightly faster than a sloth - to the complex of choosing who gets the red plate for dinner between two children whose favorite color is "redder than his."  Imagine those skills applied to (mostly) rational adults.

Mothers by and large are able to lend a human, relational element to the workplace - many are more patient, better listeners, and more capable of juggling competing demands individually, while motivating peers towards common goals.  We are level-headed under pressure and often able to head off conflict before it begins, simply by listening well, while remaining clear on long and short-term goals.

Flexibility and Determination: Not Afraid of Failure
Employees who are willing to step out and dare to fail, and learn from their mistakes, lead their companies forward into uncharted territories (c.f. Forbes, HBR).  If you are a mother, you are categorically familiar with failure - whether it is trying endless strategies to get your little monkey to go the bleep to sleep, or negotiating just one more bite of broccoli, or attempting to fit one more errand in before nap time - mom's know what it's like to fail, and fail regularly.  And yet, being defeated, and not trying again is not an option for us.  We might not like failure any more than the next person, but we also know that it's just part of the game.  We intuitively know when to press in, or when to try something different - we can change direction on a dime if needed. We get creative, we learn from our mistakes, we try something different, and we never give up.  If you want an employee who is willing to think outside the box and take on any challenge - hire a mom who has had to deal with getting a three-year-old to wear shoes when they don't want to.

Humor
I have commented many times to friends, that my number one lesson learned, largely from necessity, from motherhood is to not take myself too seriously (c.f. this story, or this one, or this one). Ask any parent who has had to deal with a poop-explosion in the first hour of a 14 hour car ride, or mom whose child has cracked a full dozen eggs onto the kitchen floor while she attempts to grab a shower - or really any parent of a 2-year-old - and they will tell you that if you can't laugh at yourself, parenthood will make you explode. Moms have the ability to not take ourselves too seriously, to find the humor in hard situations, and to somehow watch that *one* episode of Daniel Tiger 20 million times without losing our minds.  Forbes cites humor as a critical part of leadership, quoting Eisenhower that "A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done."  An employee with the ability to not take themselves too seriously handles conflict better, bears up under stressful situations well, and in general is just more enjoyable to be around.

BUT aren't moms less likely to be "all in" at work?
One of the largest concerns about hiring a mom is that they won't be 100% committed to the job - they will have limitations on their time and focus and are by nature spread thinner than most.  And also, they might leave, if they feel like their kids need them more.  This is true in some ways (arguably, it's also true for good dads, but somehow that doesn't often seem to be raised as a question... another post for another time).  However, I'd suggest four responses to that:

1.  More and more studies are finding that having balance in life helps makes for better employees.  You don't want someone who is 100% on the job all the time because they lack perspective.  You want employees who have other interests and passions and things that recharge their brains - millennial organizations and many start-ups are leading the way in this, by creating "relaxation" and "play" space at work so that employees can fuel those creative juices. Parents by nature have built in "off-the-clock" time - and while it might not be relaxing at all times (sometimes ever, let's be honest), it does break up the tunnel vision and give you additional perspectives that aren't common within the typical office setting.  Additionally, coming to work *is* our break from parenting - and parents are more likely to enthusiastically welcome the opportunity to succeed and function in a realm that does not include bodily fluids, because it is fresh, clean, and something that we're capable of mastering.

2.  Moms by nature are more effective at prioritizing what really matters and not wasting energy on what doesn't. We know that we have a limited window at work, and we are committed to making the most of it.  We are well-versed in the critical skill of picking our battles and honing in on the central task at hand.  We know that the battle over what clothes to wear is only important on certain days but not running into the street always matters.  We know that hangry temper tantrums after school sometimes fade faster when you ignore them and wait to see what's really going on, but we all know when "that" scream means we need to run to our child immediately.  Better than most, we get that some things are central, while others can be delegated.  We are efficient - because we have to be.  If you want someone who will play petty office politics, don't go with a mom.  But if you want an employee who will get the job done efficiently, without derailing on petty differences or side issues - a mom is a good bet.

3.  Moms, more than any other people group, are capable of multitasking and juggling multiple operations - we have to be level-headed under pressure because nothing can destroy you faster than a 5-year-old who can see that you are folding under the pressure of his onslaught of screamed "logic".  If we are capable of juggling putting the baby to bed, while bathing the toddler, and making the preschooler practice piano, while cleaning up dinner and preparing school lunches for the next day, all the while on the phone with the pediatrician to make sure that that rash really isn't a big deal - there is no challenge in managing a difficult client, while saying on top of the day's tasks and preparing for the upcoming conference.

4.  Yes, moms might leave, if their kids need them more, or if being home is perceived to be more desirable than being at work.  But when companies are willing to support moms with basic needs (a lactation room, flexible hours if the work is done well within those hours, adequate vacation days, good health benefits, equal pay to her male contemporaries so she can pay for childcare, and an environment where she is not ostracized) in my experience, you will find that she is every bit as committed as her male comrades, if not more.  Where women leave, often times it is because those basic needs are not being met - most of which are also needs that men will express (minus the men's lactation room).  So if I may be so audacious, if you are concerned that you will hire a mother and she won't be fully committed to your company, perhaps it is also time for some introspection as to your company policies.

Now, as you might gather from point #4 - as well as the word count - unfortunately, this is not a cover letter that I could ever fully write to a future employer - because who can be that honest and still have any hope of getting the job?  Not many, unfortunately.  But my hope is that in writing this, I will spark some pride in moms, especially moms who have been "just moms" for a period of time - that they actually do bring a lot to the table because of - not in spite of - their experience as parents.  And I hope that as a result of reading this, someone somewhere in a hiring position will reconsider the candidates that they are subconsciously eliminating because of "mom gaps" in their resume or "child limits" on their time.

Also, if you'd like to hire me, I'd be happy to discuss.

Very sincerely,
Kristen