Letters to My Sons: I don't ever want to tame you

Dear sons,

This morning while we were out on a walk with some friends, you both contentedly riding in the stroller -pacified by one of those devilish-to-the-earth-mama-in-me sweeter-than-sweet-tea donuts - when a random stranger stopped by to oo and ahh at you and tell me how precious you were, how much like twins you looked, and how full my hands must be.  So close together! And TWO BOYS too! First times for all of those [were not today]. "You know, I never had to spank until I had my son... girls are so well-behaved and social and sweet, and boys... well boys never stop moving and are into everything.  You'll be in my prayers tonight." she said.

She's never met any sister that you might have - but you come legitimately from a mama who is rarely well-behaved, and while, sweet, never stops moving and is into everything.  And I'd reckon any daughter that I might have might inherit some of those genes.  Mild eye roll here.

Regardless, I thanked her for her prayers, and we moved on.

But as you both [finally] fell asleep for nap today, and I breathed a little sigh of relief, this is what I wanted to tell you:

I don't ever want to tame you.

I love that you are into everything and never stop moving.  I love your curiosity and your chatter and your enthusiasm and energy.  I love that you don't care if you get dirty, that you see puddles and your first thought is not staying dry but making the biggest splash that you can.  I love that you have so many thoughts and so much joy that you sometimes quite literally keep yourself awake retelling your day and singing every song that you know.  Loudly.  I joke that you only have two volumes - loud and extra loud - but I love your unbridled, unhindered enthusiasm that needs to shout "DAAAADDDDY, MOMMY MADE BEANS FOR DINNER!"  The whole neighborhood is invited in to your delight.  Also for dinner.  [Slightly better than "DAAAADDDDDY, MOMMY POOPED ON THE POTTY!"]

I love that you, S, see me cooking and want to pull every single pan and pot out of the cupboard so that you can cook too, and that you loudly proclaim your menu to me as you "cook" it.  I love your enthusiasm about everything - your curiosity to explore your world and figure out how things work -and how deeply you delight to do it and then retell it to anyone who will listen.   You are all in, 100% in whatever you do, and I love that about you.

I love that you, E, see the world as your oyster - that you fearlessly launch yourself off of slides, shelves, chairs, and beds, without worry that you will be caught, even though my heart stops almost every time.  You will be the child who takes us to the emergency room first.  But I love how safe you feel, that you are not afraid to launch yourself into anything new.

I love that you both explore the world in your own ways, on all four cylinders.  Neither one of you holds back - and it is exhausting, nerve-wracking and delightful to see.  Full-steam ahead, bloody occasionally, running-never-walking, all-hands-on-deck, exhausted by bedtime, from dawn until dusk.

This is certainly not just a boy thing, although stereotypes do render it the conversation more often than not.  Lord willing, if you have a sister, I hope she's fully herself, whatever that looks like, with reckless abandon too.  Somehow my eardrums, nerves, and heart will survive, I am certain.

Baby boys, your Daddy and I will do our best to teach you manners, kindness, gentleness, and compassion - to raise you to be good men who recognize and appreciate context and balance.  We will endeavor to raise you with good discipline and respect.  That's why we do discipline you, with consistency and firmness.  Hitting your brother is still not okay - wrestling is fine as long as you're both game.  We've been over this.  But it is not our goal to "tame you," quiet you, or curb your enthusiasm, even as we do ask you to be obedient and respectful.

See, your enthusiasm, your energy, your curiosity - the way that you are both hardwired - it is a good gift.  And channeled appropriately, with respect and compassion, that enthusiasm and energy will be your greatest asset.  That fearlessness and confidence, E, will propel you forward into places that others dare not go - boldly and bravely - your empathy, which I also see in you, will drive you there for the sake of others.  Your curiosity and intellect, S, will motivate you and drive you learn and understand how and why things work - and your enthusiasm and delight in proclamation will invite others to have the same delight in discovery that you do.

So while I appreciate the well-meaning prayers and encouragement of strangers - please do not mistake my politeness to them as agreement with their sympathy for me in your energy.  Please hear me, loud and clear -

I love your into-everything-ness.  Your energy.  Your enthusiasm.  And even your wildness.  I would not change it.  I am grateful for it.  And I want to bless it - I do bless it - to thrive and grow in appropriate context and application.  And when my natural tendencies and desire for order might influence me otherwise, remind me that I said this earlier, because I do mean it, from the heart.

I love you so deeply, little ones.  And I am so so proud to be the mommy to two such wonderful boys.

Love,
Your crazy mama

KD