being real in the blogosphere...

There are many embarrassing or awkward, or personal, things that I could tell you about myself, my family, my house, that really wouldn't phase me all that much.  Let's be real, I love me some awkward and with that comes a heaping serving of embarrassing and sometimes personal.

I could tell you that there is a spatula that we affectionately refer to as "the pooper scooper" in our bathroom.  We do not have a pet and it is not for someone else's pet.  I'll let you parse together the details.  But I'll assure that it's gross and involves diapers.  BUT it resides in clorox, n'er you fear.

Or I could tell you that I haven't really dusted since we moved into our apartment... 2 years ago.

I could even tell you that I got angry today, on my commute, because some lady was walking directly in my commute path while uploading pictures to facebook of the train that she and I were currently missing.  Word to the wise, lady, if you're walking slowly enough to upload pictures to facebook... of the train that we are missing... you should get out of the fast lane.  And if we're on the story of commute, if I can hear and sing all the words to your music, through your earbuds,  kuddos to you because I am actually incapable of singing lyrics and always hum half of the words.  And it's too loud. And if you're 18 and in good health and sitting, and there's a 95 year old pregnant woman with one leg in front of you, no no, by all means you should definitely remain sitting.  Please, don't even think of getting up.

[That last one might be an exaggeration.]  But you get my point.  I could tell you that that made me angry, as long as I make it moderately funny.  I would probably also comment that I realized I should deal with my T-rage, as it's probably more harmful to me than the *$&%^ng uploading, sitting, disc jockeys on my commute.

And I could tell you how sometimes my days are really long... and hard... and all I want when I get done with the day is a big glass of wine (or two) and a nice hot bath. Or even how I'm really struggling with balancing work and mommy-hood, but seeing God's goodness in it, even in the midst of my torn-ness.  And seeing how God is redeeming me, and molding me,  in the midst of that.

And all of those would be true things, minus the 95 year old pregnant woman with one leg.  And maybe a slight exaggeration on the dusting bit.  It might have happened sort of once before company came over.  God is good, we are being redeemed and made new.  And I can be funny sometimes.

But, here's the reality - most of us are still in process, and don't have the neat conclusion to our blog posts on the real life stuff that's happening today not yesterday.  We are still an un-cloroxed, n'er dusted mess of pooper scooper and things that we're still dealing with, not figured out [yet].

God is still good.  And we are still being redeemed.

But I'm struggling with loving my husband well today.  I have been short, snarky, selfish and demanding.  That's not a guilt trip - I'm working on it, and acknowledging it, asking for forgiveness there - but I don't have it figured out yet.  There is no neat packaging on that one.  Real time, today.

I'm struggling with anger at work, when someone doesn't acknowledge my hard work, or me, as a person.  And I struggle with comparing our finances to those of others - our ease of life - and find myself bitter and covetous.  Or just randomly angry.

And I totally judge other moms.  Try really hard not to - and really don't want to and totally apologize for it when it comes out - but I totally do it.

How's that for embarrassing, awkward, and personal?

I love the blogosphere.  I love the freedom to process out-loud, to share life, and learn from others as they process out-loud.  For real.  I'm not dissing it.  And I love the awkward, embarrassing, humorous story - can you have too much snark or sarcasm, I ask you.  [the answer is yes, but that's for later]. Ask anyone who knows me, I love it.  And I LOVE hearing how my friends [and random strangers that I blog-friend, let's be honest] are learning about God's grace.  It's good and encouraging, and builds us up and probably should still be the majority of what we write about.  Because complaining and self-pity, and wallowing, are a fine line away from in-process honesty when things are hard, if we let ourselves sit there too long.

But friends, if we're going to be real - and be in process, for the sake of humor, or encouragement, or blessing, in the blogosphere - we need to actually tell some of the stories that don't have a conclusion yet.  Some of the stories in which we are not the heroine or hero, or don't figure it out [yet].  With hope, but...

The ones still in the trenches.

The ones that invite others to encourage us, bless us, or help us find the humor in it... even when we can't yet see it.

The ones that aren't funny.

The ones that are funny, but that we don't look good in.

The ones that we're actually struggling with... still... presently... and haven't resolved.

I get why we don't.  It's risky, and it's [often times] not met well.  Received with judgement, rather than encouragement.  And if I'm honest, the blogosphere probably isn't the best place for that sharing - a coffee date with a friend, a box of kleenex, and a warm pumpkin spice latte probably is.  So please, let's start there.  Please.   I'm going to.  I need to.  We all need someone that we can be that honest, in process, with - a real person, not a blogobunch.

But then as we blog also, if we're the types of bloggers who write "real"... in how ever much detail we choose to write... as we write our funny, awkward, embarrassing, life-learning, grace-seeing stories... let's also write the other ones.

The ones that end in a "to be continued..." or "in process..." or "waiting" or "I don't know."

Because then, friends, when the light breaks through... when the lesson is learned... the grace seen...

That's true beauty.
True encouragement.
Truly not about us.
Real.