Letters to My Son: Boston Marathon

Dear S -

As I write this letter, you are sleeping soundly in your pack-n-play in the next room over, presumably drifting in between dreams of toys and warm milk and giggly bath times with Daddy.  Your world is beautifully small and safe - guarded by me and your Daddy, who love you dearly - and limited, for the most part, to things which might be strange and new, but are for the most part, safe.

And a part of me wishes that I could keep your world that small and safe forever.  That I could forever stand guard over your crib, your sleep, your giggles, your days - protecting you from all the things in this world that are broken, and scary, and unsafe.  And for now, while you are small and wee, completely dependent on your Daddy and me, and oh so innocent, I will do that.  And that is right and good - my role, my privilege as your Mommy.

But, as you grow from a wee boy into a bigger boy, and start to ask the questions "why" and "how" and "what,"  I do you no service, if I deny the ways that this world is broken.  If I don't teach you, as a bigger boy, how to process brokenness, how to fight for goodness and restoration, and the need to long for wholeness.  I don't want you to fear the brokenness, son - it's there, it's real, it's part of our world.  But there is also hope.  And the promise of restoration. And places for you and me, to live and act in that hope.  And as your mommy, that is my job, as you grow into a bigger boy - to teach you about the broken parts, yes, but to teach you about hope, and life, and restoration and action in the midst of those places.  And so, while you won't read this for years to come, we start today.

This week has been a week where I am oh so keenly aware of the brokenness in this world - the hatred, the hurt, and the evil that can be perpetuated by humans.  And yet, as I process these marathon bombings, the one question that I have never asked is why these men wanted to cause such hurt and pain.  I don't feel led to ask it.  I know the power that hate can carry - I know the ways in which hurt or cause or hatred can grow into evil action.  I know it in myself.  I know it in others.  I know it in the world.  And while you are wee and small and safe and protected now, it won't be too many years before you too will see the ways in which people can hurt, hate, and injure with their words and actions - me not excluded.  And so "why" is not my question.  The specifics I don't know - why this day, why this way, why these people, why my city?  But those don't feel important.

What I do want to know is...

Who had the opportunity to demonstrate love, welcome, and kindness to these men - in the years that preceded this - and how might that have made a difference?  How can you and I and we love, welcome, and show kindness to those in our midst?  How might kindness, goodness, and welcome have made a difference?  They might not have, but in our family, let's take the risk, live in hope, and try to love radically and see what happens.

In this story, a younger brother seems to have been influenced by an older brother's passion, cause and influence.  I wonder why.  I wonder what led him to throw away all the good, promising, hopeful opportunities that he had, and seemingly follow his brother, to a path of destruction.  I wonder if the hatred was his too.  I wonder what he thought and wanted. I wonder and I don't, at the same time.

You, S, will hopefully have the opportunity to be an older brother.  And I guarantee you, your younger siblings will look up to you, watch you, and probably imitate you.  Simply by means of being older, whether making mud pies or playing soccer or dealing with bullies or the way you talk, you will get the chance to be a leader.  And in the same way that your Daddy and I have responsibility to model well for you, the ways that we hope you will walk - and do so in a way that is good not merely our way - you too will have the opportunity to model, to lead.  There's grace in that - we're all learning, figuring this out, growing.  And ultimately, you can't be responsible for the choices that your siblings make.  But son, my hope is that if and when your siblings follow you, it will be into things which bless rather than curse, which heal rather than hurt, which stand up to evil, rather than aid it or simply give it room to grow.  This is what your Daddy and I hope to model for you, teach you, and live into.

And lastly, I wonder what do we do now?  When we see the ways that people hurt other people.  When we hurt people.  When we are hurt.  When we feel fear.  When we see hatred.  When we feel hatred.  How will we, will I, will you, respond?  How can we respond with hope, and life, and restoration, and action?

Son, I guarantee you, that you feel fear at some point in time.  That you will, even though my soft mommy heart wishes I could prevent it, be hurt.  That you will see others be hurt.  That you will feel anger, maybe even hate.  That's human.  Normal.  Broken, yes.  But not abnormal.  But what you do, how you respond, will be what makes the difference.  It is far easier to grow fearful, bitter, angry, self-defensive - to hate, to withdraw, or to lash out - than it is to act in hope and love.  While harder, it is far better to seek understanding, to press in, to seek justice, to mourn, to seek healing, to forgive, to say I'm sorry.  It is far easier to turn a blind eye to the hurt of others, to let the bullies continue to bully, and pacify ourselves with the fact that at least we're not contributing, than it is to stand up, and say "it's not okay."  But S, our prayer for you - that I pray every night - is that you would not be the easier man.  That you would be a man of strength, of courage, of humility, and of kindness.  That you would act in hope, and love.  That you would stand up for the bullied, the small, and the hurt.  It is harder, yes - there is no doubt.  And there will be times when you will take the easier way - and we'll love you then nonetheless, and strive to give you grace then, even while challenging you to turn back to hope and love. But S, no matter how hard, it matters, how we respond.

S, you and I and we will face fear, hurt, and hate.  In our world, we cannot avoid it.  But we always have a choice in how we respond.  And we hope and pray, that you and I and we will respond with hope, and life, and restoration, and action.

I love you so much, sweet baby boy, as you sleep in peaceful innocence, growing, even as I write this.  Your Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you and the wee boy that you already are becoming - and even as I write this, we pray for the man that you will become.

Love,

Mommy