on ministry, 5 years in, 3 years out...

So here's the skinny: I worked in a campus ministry for 5 years, and have now been out of ministry for 3 years.  I've made it past my year of post-ministry almost burn-out and recovery therein - and several faith "transitions" (really I mean mini-crises, deep valleys and a few mountain tops, but we'll call them transitions and growth moments).  I'm no longer in a place where I think the para-church that I worked with is the greatest - or the worst - ever, my moments of anger and frustration have faded, and I feel like I finally have a little bit of perspective, a deeper sense of faith and theology that isn't reliant on the organization that I belong to, and a healthy bit of appreciation for that season in my life, all inclusive.

I'm not planning on critiquing any particular para-church, ministry or organization.  Perspective and time have taught me that they're all flawed in some way, shape, or form.  That most genuinely strive to honor God and love others.  Each has blind spots.  And they each offer tremendous gifts to the Church, capital C, especially if they can figure out how to honor and bless one another well, and avoid territorial battles.  While certainly there are things I could critique, that is not my intention here.

What I do want to do, however, is ponder for a few minutes, what I've learned in these past 8 years - what wisdom I would pass on to 22 year-old me, doe-eyed and hopeful, or anyone entering into a ministry capacity - or what I wish my friends, donors and supporters had known or said to me - and even, what I wish I had known before 27, on a burned-out trajectory and wisely making the decision to leave ministry before I lost my faith or burned out entirely.

I think these are the things I would share:

1) Take rest and do it often.  Please put that as a budget line item.  Put it on the calendar at the beginning of the year, and prepare in advance for it, and when you do take it, leave all work behind.  Yes, your work is relational, but a burned-out, boundary-less minister is of no benefit to those under your care. Donors and constituents, please support staff/pastors in doing this.  Bless us in doing this.  A well-rested minster is actually far more effective than one that is burning the candle on both ends.  Vacation - a real vacation - is every bit as needed for us as it is for you.  Please know that campus ministers rarely take it - and because of #3 and #2, often feel guilty in taking it.  We need you to tell us that we need to rest.  And we need your help making it happen.

2) Please know that for every joyful, delighted story that we share, there are also hard ones that we can't or don't share, but that we carry deeply and heavily in our hearts.  We are in this role because we care deeply about others - and most of the time are good listeners and empathetic - but that makes our failures feel very different than a sloppy presentation or a missed deadline.  They are relational by nature, and wounds to our hearts, the marks of people hurt that we genuinely care about.  Burnout often times stems from too many years of too many wounds unhealed, and too much guilt or bitterness or cynicism of what we coulda shoulda woulda.  Ministers - we need to find healthy ways of healing and releasing those burdens - #1 helps - good mutual friends are also a necessity.  Supporters - please know that while we are really good at listening and caring, we also need people to care for us - we desperately need mutual friendships.  Help be those people for us.

3) Staff*, you are worth the income that you make.  We need to get rid of the myth that you must be impoverished and barely making ends meet in order to be "faithful" to the calling that you have received.  This is a lie.  Flat out.  Be wise with your finances, absolutely - to the degree that transparency is not a problem, certainly.  But you carry enough weight and guilt over everything else - this should not be one additional burden.  You do not make enough to feel guilty about it, and your supervisors are wise in discerning healthy, manageable salaries for you.  Trust them.  Even in places in Scripture where it talks about "taking nothing" - "no sandals, no bag" - it talks about ministers receiving from the generosity of those they minister to.  Their ability to go forth without spoke more to their trust in the generosity of those they would serve than to their own lack of needs.  They were able to be unencumbered by possessions because they trusted highly in the care of others.  Donors, blow our minds with your generosity (the vast most of you do!), not your stinginess or comparisons of how much you think we should make.  And staff, let go of the myth.  Do your work well, but don't feel guilty for then (wisely) spending your paycheck.

4) Leaving ministry is actually really hard - especially if you felt a strong calling to enter into it, and are not moving into another ministry capacity.   It can (not always, but often) feel like failure, like walking away from something that really matters to you, that you were "called to."  Or, if it's delayed until a burnout point, or ones own faith is too intrinsically tied to how one ministers to others, it can quickly spiral into not only a loss of faith but also a loss of identity.  Or a form of nihilism.  After-care matters.  If you have supported us in ministry, please care well for us as we leave it.  Remind us of God, his care for the people we care for, of self-care and who we actually are, and give us space to be in process.  Bless us to follow God in the same ways you do.  And sometimes, teach us how to do that, not as our occupation.  Forgive us when we are disenchanted, critical, nostalgic, or bitter.  Please continue to walk with us into what God calls us to next.  And this is yet another reason that #5 is of utmost importance.

5) Being in ministry is often times more about what God is doing in you than what He is doing in others.   Allow yourself to be in process, to be mentored, and to grow and change.  Celebrate God's work in you.  Be attentive to your own soul in the process.  And please, oh please, have a mentor or two who does not work in the same organization as you do, who can wisely shepherd you and help you walk through the transitions of life, without it relating to your work whatsoever.  Make space for that.  It's so very easy to begin to process your own faith, your own journey, your own story, in light of what you can pass on to others.  But your process, as it relates to you alone, matters.  The practice of intimate, sacred silences - lessons from God that are just for you, not to teach from - matters.   It matters for you and me, and it matters for those under our care, that we don't just assume that what we are learning is also God's lesson for them.  Practice discernment and the wisdom of "treasuring things in your heart" as well as teaching from what you have experienced and know true.

6) No matter what ministry you are involved in, there are blind spots, weaknesses, and interpretations that are taken as fact when they're not.  When you find yourself towing the party-line too heavily, or getting defensive, or feeling like you are constantly against whatever, look for perspective again.  Return to Scripture.  Ask for perspectives from people who think differently.  Engage.  Be willing to say a gentle (or strong) no.  Or to fight the same battle over again over again.  And be willing to repent or admit that you were wrong.  In ministry as well as in any other part of life, diversity of opinion and thought is important.  Pay attention to the ways that God made you - and bring the strengths that you have, whether or not they always fit the modus operandi.

7) People are always unique, beautiful, divinely made, delighted in individuals, not projects, numbers, or goals.  Keep that in perspective.  It's not a bad thing to have hope for them, but it's far too easy to put them into boxes, plans, and 3-5-7-10 step programs.   Listen with a prayerful heart, not your plans.  Students, I am so deeply sorry for the times in which I did not do this well.  This has been the longest place of grief for me, and also the deepest place of celebration.

8) Pray more.  Talk less.  Actually do that, don't just verbally affirm it.

9) Staff do way more than they say - and are vastly more experienced in a lot more fields than their job titles reflect.  And it's far more than just (even though it is always all) spiritual work.  Honor that.  Know that. Believe that.  Help us to translate that, especially as (or if) we move into a secular space.  And in that vein - perhaps as an aside - in small talk at parties, could we lose the question "Ohhh campus minister, that's interesting.  So what do you do?" I get it - really I do.  But the truth is - we do everything from event planning and marketing to counseling to website design, to financial services and scholarships, to suicide prevention and crisis counseling and back again, and answering that question is like pulling teeth at times.  Far better, at least for me, was "What's your favorite part of what you do?" Or "What are you working on this week?"

10)  Sometimes there is an invitation for you to press in - and even though there is resistance, you are failing or succeeding, the fruit is or is not there, the faithful action is to press in.  Sometimes the invitation is to step aside - and even though there is resistance, you are failing or succeeding, the fruit is or is not there, the faithful action is to step aside.  Neither fruit...nor it's lacking... nor success, or it's lack are automatically signals one way or the other.  Practice discernment as a way of life, for yourself, as well as the ministry in which you serve.  Without fear or constant second guessing.  Pay Do not be afraid of resistance, weariness, failure, dreams or desires - but also pay attention to them.  The God who made you made all of you.   Ask Him (not daily - that makes it hard to be fully present) but regularly, "what are you doing here in me?" "is this where you want me?" Be willing to let God direct your paths, first and foremost, not your own need to succeed, your pride, your "calling," your peers, your gifting, or public opinion.  Pay attention if you find yourself saying too often "I can't" or "I have to" or "That [part of me] doesn't matter." Those are dangerous words to believe carte-blanche as truth.

In all things, seek wisdom, with discernment, in the company of trustworthy friends.

xo,
KD

* "staff" here and after is used interchangeably with "minister" or "campus minister" etc.  In the organization I worked for, we used the term "staff" for the job title.