my name is not bitter

Short post today, as I need to get dinner started...

Over the last few weeks and months, we have spent a lot of time trying to come up with the right now for our upcoming addition to the family - something that sounds good, that has meaning, that is a blessing to our child, something we can mutually agree on!  As a result, we've spent a lot of time on www.behindthename.com .  Great site - and very helpful.  No, we still don't have a name picked out yet.  And no, we will not speculate on possibilities just yet.  

Regardless.

Today I had a completely unrelated surprise and gift, which for whatever reason, gave me hope.  See my middle name is Marie, which is derivation of Mary.  As I have matriculated into adulthood, I learned the meaning of my name as,

"Usual English form of Maria, which was the Latin form of the New Testament Greek names Μαριαμ (Mariam) and Μαρια (Maria) - the spellings are interchangeable - which were from the Hebrew name מִרְיָם (Miryam). The meaning is not known for certain, but there are several theories including "sea of bitterness", "rebelliousness", and "wished for child"."

And there were ways in which that sat heavily with me - that my name reflected a "sea of bitterness." That my identity - especially as I processed through heavy topics and need for deep healing - was somehow unable to be separated from this idea of bitterness.  It's a small thing, but in especially dark periods, it felt heavy.   Like that was my identity rather than just being my name.  But, I was surprised and gifted today, when on a whim, I looked up my name again - just for kicks and giggles - and found to my surprise, the usual entry appended with this additional meaning,

"However it was most likely originally an Egyptian name, perhaps derived in part from mry "beloved" or mr "love"."

Fitting perhaps, as I journey on this long path of coming to see my identity as Beloved, named by my Heavenly Father.  It's a small thing.  But today it feels like a gift.  :)  I have been given a name  and it is not bitter, disappointing, rebellious, failure, fraud.

I am called Beloved.