real me, right now: adventuring vs. order

I wrote a long post earlier this week about this new series on vulnerability, which you can check out, if you're curious about what and why I'm sharing these next few days.  But the gist is - as someone who shares often, and offers advice often, from past struggles or lessons - I realized that we often do this only when we reach resolution or "lesson learned," and as such, often times lose the opportunity invite companionship and encouragement or have that true, transparent, honest look at the "real me" in the presence of friends.  And in that, hear it said over us, "you are called beloved, yes, even now."

As someone whose "life's ambition and daily challenge is to learn to live as a woman with peace in her presence, and out of the confidence that I am called beloved," I am endeavoring to be more open also in the present and active unresolved places also (with context and discretion), as a way of owning the "real-time" me (both ideal and non-ideal aspects) without shame.  I'm currently reading Changes that Heal, by Dr. Henry Cloud, psychologist and author, and this quote talking about the dichotomy between our ideal self and our real self, was striking to me in this regard:

If we adopt a judgmental tone, of condemnation and wrath towards what is real, then we have a divided house.  Our ideals will judge and condemn our real self into non-existence.  We will use shame, guilt, hiding, denial, splitting, and other defenses to hide the real self.  Whatever we do not accept in grace will be under judgment and condemnation and we will hide it behind a psychological fig leaf.  If we adopt a loving and accepting tone toward our real self, there is hope for transformation.  If we are able to accept the parts of ourselves we do not feel are ideal, then those parts will be loved and healed.  They can begin to grow in ways never imagined.  Acceptance is the answer to the dilemma of the ideal versus the real.  That is grace. (Changes that Heal, p. 238)

Over the course of ten blog posts, I will be sharing five present time things that I'm wrestling with, as well as five strengths or things that I really love about myself.  If you are up for it, feel free to join me!

#RealMeRightNow

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As a parent of two very curious, very active little boys, I am wrestling right now with how to find the balance between encouraging creativity, enthusiasm, and adventurous hearts, and just plain old wanting some semblance of safety and order and maybe occasionally quiet.  The parent that I want to be longs for the first, but the parent that I am craves the latter too. I often times feel like I can choose either letting them be creative explorers, mess-makers, and enthusiastic adventurers OR keeping things from breaking constantly, in order to not find [for totally hypothetical example] them (the older) on chairs trying to cook on the real stove with real knives (he's fine, don't worry!) or (the younger) under chairs trying to chew on whatever cords he can find.  I can either say "no" and "please be careful" always often (and have obedience and some order and a semi-bored toddler) or I can let that go and feel a bit like I'm losing my mind with all the chaos, but bless his/their enthusiastic, creative, explorer selves.

I know it's a balance, and never all either or, but I end most days frustrated either feeling like I've "not let them do anything even mildly dangerous or adventurous" and have had to constantly say no all day or like our entire house has been destroyed by their "helping" and "exploring."  I don't want to squelch their enthusiasm, but I often struggle to "let it go" or discern what a "healthy level of explorers' risk" is, for a two year old in particular.  [This is without even beginning to touch the very real lack of creative energy I currently have with two littles and the tangible mom guilt of "not being creative enough" or "not doing enough pinterest-y educational activities with them to offset the high levels of energy in healthy ways."] All this exacerbated in real time because of their ages, napping needs, and the massive amounts of snow outside at present, often leading to adventures (out of necessity) being indoors.  #RealMeRightNow