Peter Pan - it's time to grow up AND fly

This weekend - with some unexpected time at home on a semi-quarantined lockdown with our littlest - Jon and I, as you might expect, spent much quality time catching up on valuable reading of any and all blogposts and articles posted to facebook - as well as copious amounts of status updates, etc.  Because our lives are just that exciting.  And I'm doing really, really, well at that part of my Lenten discipline.

At any rate, somewhere along the way, one of us stumbled upon this little treasure - 7 Grown-Up Things That You Should Have in Your Home by Age 30 - featuring sage suggestions such as making sure to invest in a good bed because "if you're rockin a futon past 30, you should mosey into a bed store, stat."  Or, wiser still, that we should invest in proper tools and cleaning supplies, because "You're a responsible adult so you should be able to be responsible for your space, too."

Reality is - despite my snarky tone - I agreed with the author.  I think all 7 of those items are great to think about - and if we have the means to do so, should be "grown-up" steps that we take by the time we're 30.  Or not.  Whatever your preference and ability - if you want to sleep on a futon at 50, or don't own a plunger by 43, that's your prerogative and quite frankly, low on my list of concerns.  Personally, our plunger died a slow painful death a la toddler a few months ago, and so we're just hoping that the toilet lock continues to work, and the pipes continue to flow.

But here's where I'm struggling -

When did 30 become the age that we define as "grown-up"?

What happened to our twenties?  What happened to maturity as we left home, and moved out to college, even?  Or at very least, finished school and moved out on our own.  Or, as is the case for many of us, finished one school and moved on to the next school.  Are we not also "grown-up" then?

When did we move from looking forward to growing up, and being "grown-up," - to adopting a Peter Pan-like mindset, that we could and should avoid it at all costs?  So much so, that there are hundreds of articles detailing what "grown-up" things we should check ourselves against by the time we hit 30, to make sure that we're transitioning well and not clinging to our youthful irresponsibility recklessly.

And in that same vein, when did being "a grown-up" become synonymous with losing all sense of adventure or fun?  When did "grown-up" become translated as "furniture" and "cleaning supplies" and "house plants."  Of putting down roots that render your wanderlust extinct and taking on responsibilities that cripple our abilities to "have fun" - so much so that we must put it off at all costs until we have "lived life to the full" and "had all the adventures that we want to before settling down."

Maybe it's my old foggy 30 year old self speaking - or my old soul - or even my sleepless mommy-brain bogged down with all of my responsibilities - but something just feels off about all of that.

You see, back in my day... ;)

No, no, no.  I refuse to play that card, stand on that soapbox or preach that sermon.  No.

I just don't think it's either or.

I am a grown-up.  I have been for quite a while - since I moved out of my parents home and went to college - taking responsibility for my own actions, making my own life decisions, and paying my own bills.  It happened before I got married, although I did that in my twenties too.  It happened before I had kids, although I now have two of them.   And it even happened before I got my first grown-up mattress, or first vacuum cleaner of my own.  Because growing up for me simply meant taking responsibility for myself - and living a life that I was proud to live - and not expecting anyone else to bail me out when I got myself into sticky situations.  Not spending money I didn't have, not making excuses when I made poor decisions, and not ignoring the rippling effects that my freedoms had on others.  And yes, investing in things that mattered for the future - furniture and cleaning supplies among them.

But taking responsibility for myself has also meant knowing who I am - knowing that I love adventure and travel - that my soul comes alive when I do work that is meaningful to me - that I am bored to tears by small talk - and that I love writing and cooking and creating new things.  So I married a man who is not afraid of long bus rides, who was willing to live in a strange city and visit strange places - who takes trains with me because I like them and have dreams of riding them through the snow.  I took my first job in Europe after graduation, and my second with a ministry that I felt did meaningful work, even though it required fundraising and kept me lower than my "earning potential" might have been otherwise.  Even with two kids, we still climb mountains and check out breweries, blow off dinner for donuts, and if I have any say in it, might move to Europe for a few years to satiate some of my wanderlust and give the kids some cross-cultural experiences.  Pending persuasion of my husband who has slightly less wanderlust than I do.  Even though we are often grounded by naptimes and bedtimes in this season of life - our adventures are not over and done - they just look different because they have to take into account our little people too.

Look, Peter Pan - I think it's time to grow up AND fly.  And it doesn't have to wait until you're 30.

I think we as a society and a culture miss out on a lot of the fullness of life by "putting off" or "pushing back" growing up.  I think we have deceived ourselves, believing that responsibility and intentionality lead to a life that is not full, fun, or free - when the reality is, owning ourselves actually sets us free, and helps us find a life which is full of the things that actually uniquely give us life.  And I struggle to believe that the ardent run away from responsibility is actually freedom either - it feels more like just following the crowd, actually, until one day, we wake up and take stock of ourselves and where we want to go.  I think the reality is, we need to "grow-up" before we hit 30 - and take responsibility for ourselves and our lives.  Clean our rooms without being told.  Pay our bills on time.  Invest in things that matter to us.  Think about the kind of people that we want to be/become.

And similarly, by trying to define a set point at which we should put down roots - putting aside our "free" and "fun" ways and buying a roomba or nice set of matching dishes - we actually miss out on many of the adventures that we were made to have.  Even though I am "grown-up" there are still countless adventures left that I want to have - not as a mid-life crisis, but as a way of life, with my kids and my husband.  I'm preaching to myself every bit as much right now - but at times, we need to set aside responsibility, leave the dishes, and dance naked in the kitchen.  Or use our tax refund, which we file on time, to go someplace that we've always dreamed of just once, because the memories are worth it, rather than investing it in our 401K.  Or wake the kids up in the middle of the night to see shooting stars.  To let the matching dishes break every once in a while, and the floors stay dirty, because they can wait - and being a joyful, complete person right now, requires that you dance in the rain barefoot right now.

I think it's time to redefine what it means to be a grown-up.

And to long for that again, rather than run from it.

To see growing up less as an end to our freedom and more as an invitation to fully step into who we are.  To take responsibility for ourselves and our actions - to care fully for ourselves and others - and live a life which is actually abundantly full.

And that sure as hell doesn't have to wait until we're 30.