I've been writing, on and off, since June 2007 - right after I graduated from college and returned to the states and began my first "real" job. I started with Five Small Stones, and moved over here in 2012. It has been a long journey of life, identity, work, worth, and so so much more. This writing adventure has taken me through several states, in and out of many apartments, roommates, dating, then love, marriage, and now the baby carriage, aka parenthood. My writing style has evolved, the blogs I follow have changed, my sense of humor has gotten even quirkier and more sleep deprived, my love of awkward even more inhabited and uninhibited - and yet, and yet, writing has remained a constant place of release and life for me.
For those of you who read along, and have read along, thank you. I know who some of you are - and I won't ever know who the other half of you are. But it's been fun, real, cathartic, etc., to share this journey with you, even just knowing that you're reading along.
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| He can't believe I have written so much either |
Since we are on the cusp of something - even if it's just crossing over into triple digits - I thought I'd take a few moments and reflect on what comes next.
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| Don't worry - we come in peace |
re-do's (changes, reversions, revisions):
1. get (back) in touch with the lighter side of life
I love the heady, thoughtful, reflective posts that I write - and will continue to write those - but there was also a time when I noticed, and reflected on, and wrote about silly, snarky, fun, lighter, just plain joyful things more often and I'd like to try to do that again, without (always) looking for more to be there. My own invitation right now is to choose joy daily - so I'm going to try to do that here as well.
2. find an aesthetic theme for el blog that I like
This may never happen, realistically speaking. But (as you might have noticed), I have been and will continue to be playing around with the appearance a little, just to update it slightly from the xanga-esqueness (anyone else remember that?) of it's previous appearance.
3. stop comparing/continue to find "my" style
Man, I read some really awesome blogs - from supermoms (no such thing, but they seem like it!), snarky and sassy bloggers, wise individuals, and super smart writers, and from dear friends who are all of the above. And all too often, I find myself, as I begin writing, writing in their voices not mine, trying to imitate their style rather than finding my own. I love these bloggers to death - and if I were half as funny, smart, wise, or beautiful with my words as they are, I'd count myself a writing success - but while I might jokingly say that I want to be them, the reality is that I don't. I want to be me, fully and completely. And I want to write in my own voice. And I don't want to continually fall into the trap of comparison - what often leads to the morphing style - because it's restrictive, only shallowly rewarding, and really poisonous to the creative soul. It leads me to resent their success, and causes my own good writing to pale and sour in my mind as it stands next to theirs. I want to read their writing with joy and delight, eager learning - and thankfulness for them - and write in my own voice, learning from their wisdom, but without trying to become them or measuring my success or reception relatively against theirs.
do's (goals, challenges, hopes):
1. engage me more often - write more regularly, continue to share vulnerably and honestly
I make this a goal every year. But I really mean it this time. :)
2. engage you more often - share thoughtfully and relevantly, with you in mind as well
As I write, it is a public medium, as well as a personal reflection space. I want to continue to grow in sharing vulnerably, personally, and without apology, the real life that we live. Funny parts and not so funny parts. But I also want to grow in recognizing the benefit of a public medium - and consider how to stretch myself in writing (out of what I know well), what is also beneficial to you. For example - last year, I wrote a post called Anatomy of an Apology - was one of the most popular, and from feedback, most helpful, posts of the year. It comes second nature to me after years of wrestling with it - but I don't often think to write about those things, if I'm not wrestling with it in the moment. So stretching into those arenas as well. Part of it, if I'm honest, is an ego thing - wanting to be well-received as a writer. But part of it - the good part, I think - is an effectiveness thing. Wanting to fill the vast world wide web of opinions with words that are worth reading, beneficial even if not popular, relevant even if not the opinion of the day - while continuing to grow as a writer myself.
Also, I'm trying hard not to use comments as a measure of effectiveness of writing - often my trap and temptation - but please do feel free to give them. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you engage with whatever we're "talking" about.
3. crack 500 (page views) and 10,000 all time views
My all time most popular post comes in at just under 500 views - so, in the next 100 posts, I'd love to crack that. Again, partially an ego thing and partially an effectiveness/relevance thing. I can be honest, right? It's always both, even when I long for it to be otherwise. And right now, all time views are just around 7,000 - which basically just means that this goal is that I should continue writing, rather than slacking off, and hopefully you'll keep reading.
4. elevate and honor others more
Let's be honest - I'm really good at talking about me. But, as aforementioned, I read a lot of amazing writing by others, get to see the incredible work of other amazing people, and am impressed by the ideas, designs, and thoughts of many many more. And then struggle with comparison to it all. As a means of off-setting that, and honoring them, I'd love to figure out a way to share these people with you as well, rather than just grimace and hope that you haven't found their blogs yet, or maybe that you'll like mine better because you're my friend. Not sure what that will look like yet - in a way that isn't self-aggrandizing or copycat-ing - but I want to figure it out.
If I'm lucky, I'll remember that the next post is the big 1-0-0 - but there's a decent chance that I won't and you'll be stuck with a mundane reflection about traffic or something equally inane. I'll do my best not to run away into the sunset and miss that one. Or not, because life continues on and maybe ordinary is the best marker of longevity. We shall see.
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| S, absconding with Jon's king in a game of what subsequently became "Calvinball" chess |
So here's to the next 100 blogpost "days" of life, awkward moments, thoughts and reflections - thanks for joining me in the journey.
- KD
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