holy vs unholy anger

Yesterday was  day of lots of anger for me - mostly aimed at public transportation and transportation in general.  Couple a really long work day, with lots of walking up steps (30 flights in all), with achy pregnant body, and then put that combined hot mess into the following transportation situations:

1) Getting yelled at and honked at, in a crosswalk where I had right of way, and told to "hurry it up."
2) The T running 30 minutes late
3) Having to stand on the T, next to an elderly very hunched over man using a cane to stand, while at least 10 able-bodied young college students stared at us, but made no move to offer a seat.
4) Nearly getting hit by a car, in another intersection where I had right of way, as he ignored a stop sign

Let's just say that I was pretty hot under the collar by the time I got home - frequently uttering my favorite phrase - "it's not okay!!" to my very patient husband attempting to calm his hot, tired wife.

Got to love it.  And the hormones don't make it better.

However, all this talk about anger - both yesterday's fun times - and processing through anger this weekend (see Partnership), has made me want to stop briefly and reflect on this idea of holy versus unholy anger.  Because I think both are part of the equation for me these days.

See, I was raised to think that anger is bad in general.  Period.  One shouldn't get angry.  In fact, anger as an emotion should be minimized at all costs.  Never expressed.  Which is ironic, because I saw my parents angry all the time.  But that's another story... the point is, it wasn't until recently that I began to actually delineate, or try to, between holy and unholy anger.  And I think there is a difference.  And I think it's an important one.

There is hurtful, harmful, damaging anger, which lashes out at others - whether out of self-protection, perceived threat, bad day, hurt feelings, self-vindication, entitlement, or even just holy anger gone bad, which has been allowed to grow bitter roots, leading to spiteful outpourings.

This is most likely what majority of my transportation anger was about yesterday - a sense of entitlement, my own tiredness, desire for vindication, and just a long day.  Let's be honest.

But there is also another side to anger,  and I think we when look at the instances where Jesus got angry - because shockingly, he did get angry - I think we get a little bit of a picture of what that holy anger looks like.  See I think holy angry is two things:

1) It is an appropriate response to injustice and sin.  Holy anger says, "It's not okay."  "This is not right; this is not how it was supposed to be." "This is wrong."  Holy anger (should) drives us, not into lashing out, but into a place of mourning, repentance, forgiveness, and longing for Heaven.   Holy anger drives us into action for the sake of something other than ourselves - be that Jesus, the Kingdom, the state of our souls, or our brothers or sisters.

Which leads me to,

2) Holy anger is compassion in action.  Justice in action.  Holy anger is a response to injustice, that says, "This is not okay, and I will strive - in what is my role (and role actually is important in delineating holy from unholy anger), and my ability - to see healing and justice in this place." Again, it's not a damaging lashing out, but rather an acting on the behalf of others (if they're okay with it) to protect, to advocate for, to create space for healing.

For years, I've thought that I am not a particularly compassionate woman.  I don't cry well with others - the touchy, feel-y side of empathy and compassion is often lost on me.  Sitting beside hurting individuals in silence, mourning with them, does not come naturally to me.  I've grown in that area - but it has been as a result of practice, work, and asking Jesus for mercies that are not mine naturally.  And by God's grace, He has been growing me in those areas.

However, what I'm learning about myself, is that that compassion for me often looks more like holy anger.  I do feel great compassion for those who are hurting, who are suffering injustice, or in need of healing.  But often times, my compassion looks more like standing in protection over the hurting individual, as a shield between them and their accuser.  Of weeping in anger over the injustice and longing for Jesus' return when He will set all things right in true justice.  Of advocating for change in unjust policies, or being the voice for the voiceless.  Of calling injustice what it is, and feeling deeply the wrongness of it.  Those are not often what we think of, when we think of compassion, but I think they are compassion none-the-less.

You see, I think the difference between holy and unholy anger is not just the impact - unholy is destructive and damaging, whereas holy seeks wholeness and healing and ultimately should lead there - but rather, holy anger is in response to true injustice or wrong, unholy anger is often times related to entitlement, a need to be vindicated or made right, or self-protection and/or not wanting to deal with the real issue at hand.

Which is where my current processing comes in.  Recap: KD has lots of anger which she's realizing that she needs to deal with.  Not all anger is bad.  How we process through this relates to discerning which anger needs to be repented OF, and which anger needs to lead me into a place of mourning, action, and forgiveness.

My two cents for the day, as I continue to process all that anger junk... :)