I do not want your Jesus

i do not want your Jesus -

the one who is simplified,

beautifully easy to understand -

palatable, relatable, desirable,

marketable.

i do not want your Jesus -

who simply requires that I say "yes" to Him,

no explanation of the very real cost of following.

he is kind, merciful, loving, sacrificial,

the fulness of perfection - yes -

the solution to every woe - and promises that everything will be okay.

one size fits all.

but like most one-size fits all -

this Jesus comes unravelled at the seams.

sometimes he doesn't fit, solve or explain in ways that i see or understand -

he feels 2-dimensional.

oversimplified. palatable. marketable.

pocket-sized.

i DO want Jesus - just not the 2-dimensional form.

that one collapses under pressure or investigation.

the real Jesus is challenging - he says hard things.

i don't always understand him,

i cannot easily explain him.

he does not fit in my pocket

or any other 2-dimensional diagram or explanation.

he is divisive and hard - i don't always feel like singing.

he split history and nations: in his name, people died and die.

he loves radically and recklessly - while entirely logical, not my logically.

his answers to my woes - while i believe them to be good -

 are not always now, not always fathomable, or even likable.  

he hates my sin and with real authority that requires response

says no more.

at his authority - which all must eventually obey - hell quakes

and rebels - as often do i.

he shows mercy to people that i wouldn't;

people i don't like or think deserve it.

his judgment is always just - but sometimes it's hard,

unpalatable.  unmarketable.

he calls sin what is sin - and rightly so -

sometimes things i would prefer to excuse.  and do. and wish he would.

his grace is unfathomable; his mercy unexplainable.

he is 100% good.  loving. merciful.  Father.  just. holy.  Savior.

he is LORD Almighty.  Creator. judge, jury.  Yahweh.  Alpha and Omega.

he is worthy of praise.  and must be praised - I think with joy.

but when Jesus becomes condensible, pocket-sized,

palatable.  marketable.  fully explainable.  always desirable -

that is a cheapened imitation of the real Jesus -

and one that i do not want.